Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
