i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
