i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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