I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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