I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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