If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
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Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
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I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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