Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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