I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
