he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
