Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
