I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
