first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
two words...techno handjob
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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