I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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