I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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