i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
