it hurts more in the daytime
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
