I am in a vortex of obligation.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
