Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
