i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
