Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
