just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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