btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
