Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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