how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Congratulations! We have a period
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
