I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
