cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
