U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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