Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
