my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
