She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
God, you're like boner-b-gone
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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