hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
