Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
