but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
