This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
