Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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