last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
