Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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