I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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