She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
