i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
