I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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