So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
