found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
tell me about the fingering
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