and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
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