there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I love having hate sex.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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