woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
