i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
