I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
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Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
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You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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