Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
