I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
