fuck your aforementioned shoe
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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