I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
