carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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