rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
