I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
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