remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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