Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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