I just made out with a guy for $7.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
