we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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