i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
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I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
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He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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