Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
