theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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