Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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