If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
