All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
