i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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