I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
