I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
