You work out of a Hotel?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
