she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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