I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
