im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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