So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
