She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
