Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
