I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
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Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
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How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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