Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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